there's paper in my vomit.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
