If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
