Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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