he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
