Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
