booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
