dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
