Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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