Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
