so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
