Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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