I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
