I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
