I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
