Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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