I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
