I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
