I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
