the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
