chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
