i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
