The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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