2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
