My room smells like vodka and shame
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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