Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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