some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
