If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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