2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
