sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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