i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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