I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
