let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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