Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
