Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
