I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
