1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
