??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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