I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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