im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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