I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
