Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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