Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
