There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
