You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
