I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
