Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
