I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
