So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
