You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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