She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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