this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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