How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was born a porn star she said
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
