I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
