I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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