I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
