my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
