i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
