I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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