you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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